Before you read any further, I need to be clear in stating my limitations and expertise when it comes to mental health. I have some expertise in my journey as well as a parent and educator but concede there are experts and everyone’s experiences that I can’t speak to directly. As I stated in my 2025 early reflection post, I want to reflect on this issue. If you also deal with mental health issues, it is advised that you seek professional help. A lot of mental health professionals are now using billing systems from ABA Billing Companies to efficiently manage insurance payments and other billing documents.
I recall listening to a podcast many years ago, so long I can’t even remember the source, that talked about how marriage and our expectations of marriage have changed over the years. It used to be that marriage was more like a partnership, one that took into account how each would complement one another. In many cases, it was more focused on a business relationship. In an agricultural context, people looked to see how their partner would be able to support the family farm. In addition, there was never an expectation that a spouse would be able to meet all of your needs. A person’s well-being was more of a community effort; relying on family and friends and other things to support you. Over the years, the role and expectations of a spouse changed to be something greater. The idea that your spouse was your soul mate or that they completed you, placed high expectations on someone else to be all things for you. I would argue an unrealistic expectation. I’m not a marriage counsellor but I do believe that a happy marriage means that each partner must seek out other supports to be fulfilled. As well, the idea that your early days of romance and desire will remain constant throughout your life is also a very unrealistic expectation. This doesn’t mean that you have a lousy marriage or a less-than-ideal one, it means that things change and can change for the better as you mature.
I share that because I think there is something to be learned here that connects to well-being. We’ve known for a while about the Instagram-filtered world we live in where people only share a thin slice of their lives, often presenting an unrealistic and highly curated representation of life. Even when we understand this is happening, the messaging we hear from so many sources suggests that we must always be reaching for the stars and that being satisfied is seen as settling for less. You can and should be doing better. Expectations from not only our partners but our friends, our families our jobs and our passions are often glamourized and simply unattainable. Once again, I don’t doubt that many people struggle with mental health but for those who simply question all their choices and feel down about them, I wonder if they may be expecting too much. I worry that they are seeking some kind of perfection when not only do I not think that’s possible but I don’t think it’s healthy.
My life is far from perfect. I’m certain my 60 years on this planet have taught me a few things. Contentment is often a misrepresented idea. I want for nothing. I also am grateful for an average Tuesday. A day where if I look at it objectively, nothing interesting happens. But in the routine of that day, I find moments of delight and joy and sit with them. They aren’t worth sharing with anyone but being able to reflect in the quiet and the loud and chaos that happen can remind you to be grateful. What many think of as a remarkable life misses out on the joys of being and living. The people I respect and admire aren’t people that are famous but ones like my nearly 93 year old father who wakes up everyday with a plan. The plan usually involves a game of cards, golf and coffee with a different friend each day. Over the years the activities may have changed but the purpose hasn’t. He has told me many times that he’s lived an amazing life.
I have no idea if my sentiment here resonates with anyone or not and certainly if mental health and well-being is a struggle for you, please seek help. But if you’re not at that stage but you are less satisfied than you’d like to be maybe it’s you and the things you expect from others and the things around you.
I’ve been using this thinking device of late.
What do you think? Add a comment below or start a conversation.
2 comments
Hi Dean,
Reading this as I eat a late lunch at work. What you’ve said really resonates with me, but I’m still knee deep in a (good) job that takes away my time and energy from quality family and friend time… and that makes mental well-being a bit harder to balance.
While I’m at a point in my career where I have the wisdom to be more efficient and effective, I’m also at a point where my energy levels and willingness to go the extra mile are considerably diminished.
In all honesty this doesn’t play out well for my mental well-being. I find myself exhausted at the end of the day but also feeling like I should have done more. I want the drive, the energy, AND the wisdom, and that’s no longer sustainable. It plays out as less joy, and less job satisfaction, while still doing a pretty good job!
I can articulate this. I struggle with the mental construct of letting go and appreciating what I do instead of what I have (read had) the potential to do. I still like and appreciate my job, but I also look forward to a bit more of a pace you describe. I just question if I’ll let myself get there if I don’t start somehow practicing a bit more now. Will I just fill the space in retirement with ‘busy’ or will I appreciate the opportunity to find more joy in the little things. Your post has me reflecting on the small things I can start appreciating now.
Thank you Dave. You share a perspective I’d not fully considered. I think you also represent so many educators who see the need and opportunity but never have enough energy or resources to address all those needs. That’s a hard reality to accept knowing you’ll never be able to do it all. I appreciate the dilemma and stage of life you’re at and wish you all the best as you navigate things.